The Costco Fambly

My people are big on Costco. We all have cards. If you don't have one, I should tell you that as part of the membership process, they take your picture and insert a small, crappy, black-and-white version of your face on the back side of the card so they can verify that you are the one with the membership.

We'd hate for people to be sneaking in and buying 7-pound cans of nacho cheese sauce without paying their fair share.

Plus, there are all the free samples to consider. Without a system in place, the stations could get overrun by outside people seeking tidbits and morsels. And then there might not be meatballs right when I expect there to be meatballs.

So, they put your picture on your Costco card. A crappy one. 

I tend to lose cards, so I'll start this next section out by saying "A couple cards ago..." A couple cards ago, something happened to my picture, so it pixilated or something across my teeth, (or perhaps I should say, "teef") making it look like there were just big spaces there. Of course, I found this highly fabulous. I bragged about this fact and shared it with my family (or perhaps I should say, "kin") and they responded by producing equally impressive pictures.

I wouldn't be the person you know me to be if I didn't take this chance to share those photos. Some people have a sense of history even while it is being made, and fortunately one of those people is my brother Andy. He demonstrated his sensitivity to the importance of this event by compiling this commemorative montage. Please enjoy.

You have to work pretty hard to get a picture this bad of my mom, Bev. Most of the time she's quite cheerful and sunny; she has sparkly eyes. Here, she says she looks like Ma Barker. "You killed mah son." 

Andy said that, as bad as his is, he looks like a freaking Kennedy compared to mom and me. He's right.